ACTION >>> Self forgiveness

Steps to develop self-forgiveness



Step 1 – Increasing your ability


You can increase your ability to forgive yourself by asking some pertinent questions …


1. How would you define "self forgiveness''?

2. Do you have any experience with forgiving yourself?

3. Have you ever brought up something from the past to remind you how you hurt yourself or others? How did that make you feel?

4. Do you think self forgiveness has a role in your growth? How can you improve?

5. How has the absence of forgiving yourself affected your current emotional stability?

6. Has the absence of self forgiveness affected your relationships below?

□ family,

□ significant other / spouse

□ children,

□ parents,

□ relatives,

□ friends,

□ coworkers

7. Do you experience a wall or barrier behind which you hide your past real or perceived failures, mistakes, errors, or misdeeds? With whom do you experience it with?

8. Are there any beliefs that block your ability to forgive yourself? Why do they exist?

9. Do you think you need to develop new behaviours to increase your ability to forgive yourself?

10. Can spirituality play a role in helping you forgive yourself? If yes, how?

11. What are the things do you need to forgive yourself?


Step 2 – Facing the issue


Once you have developed a better picture of what is involved in self forgiveness, it’s the foundation for you to work on more specific past failures, mistakes, errors, or misdeeds.


List a failure, mistake, error, misdeed, or event for which you are unable to forgive yourself.


Whenever you recall this past hurt:

□ How would you describe your role in this past event?

□ What feelings come to mind? Why do you feel strongly over what happened? How you treated yourself or others?

□ How much energy, creativity, problem solving capability, and focus on growth is sapped from you?

□ How did this affect your self-esteem and self worth?




Now, think carefully:

□ Who was responsible for your reaction to the incident?

□ Who was responsible for your feelings about the incident?

□ Who was responsible for your inability to forgive yourself?




And lastly:

□ How can you forgive yourself?

□ How can you put this incident behind you?

□ How can you avoid being so hurt when something like this happens again?



Self forgiveness mirror


This is an innovative approach to self forgiveness. To let go of your self anger, self blaming, self hatred, self disgust, and self-pity, this script should be used … say these things to yourself repeatedly …



□ I am a human being subject to making mistakes and errors.

□ I do not need to be perfect in order for me to love myself.

□ This (past event) is just an example of the challenges which I have been given on earth by God.

□ I will meet the challenge and grow by handling the pain and hurt from this problem

□ I don't need to be so burdened by the pain and hurt you feel because God has a plan

□ I deserve to come out from behind the wall that I’ve have built around myself as a result of this (past event).

□ I have within myself to grow in self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect, and self deservedness.

□ There is nothing I have ever done that can't be forgiven by my-self.

□ I’ve done the best I could at that moment of time.

□ I am working to change my compulsive and impulsive habits

□ It is ok to have slip ups, but as long as I get back on the wagon of recovery and keep on trying that's most important

□ I don’t need to further condemn myself for this past event

□ I forgive myself, I love myself & I am happy to be myself in this life

□ I shall gain strength by giving my past hurt, pain, guilt, self anger, and self hatred over to God

□ Let me hold my head up high

□ I am more free once I let go of my burden. No one needs to hold onto such a burden for so long

□ If I’ve given myself a hard time, I deserve a better life

□ I am a loveable, capable, special person

□ letting go of hurt and pain will enable my inner healing and self growth



Repeat this to address separate issues that hurt you